


Lullaby in the dark

by Mocking_Birb



Category: Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Angst, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-06-30 11:20:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15750639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mocking_Birb/pseuds/Mocking_Birb
Summary: Suffer kids, today we learn a little more about Ishimaru Kiyotaka and some nightmares. Since I'm trash for angst.





	Lullaby in the dark

Nightmares plagued Ishimaru's mind as he attempted to sleep. He'd been having these mind twisting nightmares for years but, these ones are especially painful. However they wouldn't seem like it to most people. **"Mama! What's this?" A taller woman looked over to where the small raven haired boy was looking, she smiled as her eyes landed on a small box. "Oh, that's a calligraphy set." The small boys eyes lit up. "Wow...it's so cool." "Ha ha, very." The young Ishimaru continued to stare, he could ask his mother to get it, but he'd feel terrible to ask for something that wasn't a necessity. "Come now Ishimaru, your grandfather is coming over today." Ishimaru stared sadly at the set before shaking his head and running back over to his mom. "Coming momma!" The tall dark haired woman smiled, taking the boy in her arms. "Kiyo." His mother said as she gently gently pat his hair. "I love you Kiyo." "I love you too mom** Ishimaru stirred in his sleep, kicking and tossing before he was shocked awake. "Mom?" His voice shook in the darkness, silence answered back. Throwing the blanket to the side, he got up and made his way to the kitchen. His red eyes scanning the dark room, he flipped the switch and blinked quickly as the rush of light flashed. Rubbing his eyes he looked around, his eyes landed on a clock kept in the kitchen. 2:37 am, he stared at the clock before filling a kettle with water. He absentmindedly watched the pot as the water began to heat over the flames underneath. His mind wandered. **"Mom." "Yes Kiyo?" "Why is grandpa so mean?" Ishimaru said as he stared up at his mother, tears pricking his eyes. "What makes you say that?" Ishimaru stared up into his mother's matching ruby irises. "He keeps yelling at me whenever I try to talk to him." "Oh sweetheart, he's just busy. He is the prime minister after all." "Yeah but..." Ishimaru trailed off, his mother's eyes held a soft look, they seemed gentle and made Kiyotaka not want to pester his mother any longer. "How about you spend time with your father instead? I'm sure he'd love your company." Kiyotaka looked down, and gently nodded. He didn't want his mother to see the disappointment in his eyes. He turned his back to walk off. "Kiyo." "Yes mom?" "I love you." Ishimaru smiled and turned his head to face the woman once again. "I love you too mom."** Ishimaru was snapped out of his trance by the sound of whistling from the tea kettle, it was only then he saw the tears that had fallen on the table he'd been sitting at, he then poured some of the boiling water into a tea cup. He gently placed tea leaves into the cup as he watched the clear color, go to a green. He stared at the liquid for a few moments, before he started taking small sips of the piping hot drink. A warm feeling enveloped him, he felt tired and relaxed before returning to his room. As he laid back down he stared up at the ceiling, his blinking slowing down to him simply closing his eyes. Sleep soon took over and in the back of his mind a soft voice called out to him. **"** Kiyo?" Today was a weekend, and Ishimaru had work to do, he was a very busy man after all. He had much to do but was just lying in his bed, as he had been for the past three hours since his alarm went off. He seemed unwilling, and more important unable to bring himself to leave and do anything. Blinking was work enough, simply closing his eyes for a second made his need to sleep grow. Rolling out of bed he did his daily routine brushing his teeth and combing his hair. Pulling on his uniform he stared into his mirror, dark rings had appeared under his eyes. He tsked and began washing is face, proceeding to wipe his face dry he glanced into the mirror once again. Deciding he looked presentable, he began his to do list. The sun hurt his eyes as he made his way to the store, his eyebrows furrowed and he narrowed his eyes, a scowl present on his face. Passing by multiple stores, he stopped by an animal shelter. He stared at the building, well a few minutes wouldn't hurt. Walking inside he was greeted with the sounds of animals in their cages. He wasn't a huge fan of dogs, not since an incident when he was seven. He much preferred cats, they were much quieter, and most of the time cleaner. Walking through the building he couldn't help but look at the small creatures. He looked over some of the animals, finding himself smiling at some of them. One caught his eye however, it was small and a pure white color, except its hind legs which were black. It was watching him, in the same way he was watching it. It made him, remember something, and more importantly someone. **One's birthday, a day almost every child loved. Ishimaru was as excited as ever when he woke up his parents. "Ishimaru calm down." His father said as he rose from his sleep. "Jeez I know kids have energy, but you're five." Ishimaru frowned at his father's words, was he really getting too excited? Was this reaction abnormal in children his age? His mom got up, stretching before scowling at his father. "Your son is never going to talk to you if you're always going to be negative." "How was that at all negative?!" Takaaki said more confused than angry. "Passive aggressive criticism, that isn't good for children. He gets enough of that from your father when he's around." Takaaki huffed as he rubbed the back of his head. "Whatever, m'sorry." Kusuriko stared at her husband, she smiled and got out of bed. "Come on Kiyo, I have something for ya." Ishimaru smiled and took his mother's hand, Takaaki watched on. Ishimaru's mother held out a small box to him, and told him to be careful when opening it. Once he got the box opened a small kitten made its way out of the package. Ishimaru smiled and thanked his mother multiple times. She smiled as watched her son play with the calico Persian cat. The fluffy cat was named Cleocatra, while his mother tried to convince him to change it, Ishimaru stuck with the name however. Takaaki didn't quite approve of the cat at all, but Kusuriko seemed pleased with her choice. Once that night ended Ishimaru lied down in his bed, his mother gently kissed his forehead. "Goodnight Kiyo, I love you." "I love you too mom." A tired voice replied as he yawned. "Night kiddo." "Goodnight dad."** Ishimaru snapped back into reality and shook his head turning his back to the cats, walking out of the shelter. Soon Ishimaru made it to a grocery store, he had to buy some things. Ishimaru walked around quietly observing some of the items, when a voice pulled him out of his focus. "Hey Ishimaru!" The raven turned to see a fellow classmate, Chihiro. "Hello Fujisaki! How are you?" "I'm doing great." Chihiro stated, as another figure came towards the other males. "Hey Ishi." Mondo stated simply, Ishimaru looked up to meet Mondo's gaze, as the male drew closer, his best friend, his bro, his kyoudai. Mondo was strangely a very positive figure in Ishimaru's life, however the last thing he wanted was for his two closest friends to be around. At the moment he didn't want to do anything except go back home and forget about everything, and everyone. "Man, I haven't seen ya outside school much. Hey, you wanna hang out tomorrow bro?" "Ah, yes Ishimaru would you like to join us! We are planning to spend the entire day doing various activities, we've been trying to ask you all week, but have never been able to find you." Ishimaru smiled, he hoped it didn't look as forced as it felt. "Well, you could've called." "We would've, but you said to only call on the weekends, or incase of emergencies." "Ah, yes...I did say that." "So Ishimaru-kun, will you be joining us?" Knots tied in Ishimaru's stomach, on one hand he could go with them, but he really didn't want to be around anyone. Especially since he'd been having such an awful sleep schedule, due to... nightmares. On the other, if he did go, maybe he could take his mind off of, everything. "Um, yes, I'll join in your affairs." Chihiro smiled thankfully and Mondo grinned. "Alright!" Chihiro looked down at his watch and his eyes widened. "Ah,Mondo! We have to go!" Chihiro said running off. "Goodbye Ishimaru!" Mondo ruffled Ishimaru's hair. "See ya later bro." Mondo said as he ran after Chihiro. Ishimaru waved his had silently. Ishimaru began to walk down some of the aisles, picking up random items he needed before heading back home. As he walked, he passed many people, each person caused a spark of worry to grow from his core. He didn't like this paranoia the lack of sleep was giving him. He'd had trouble sleeping in the past, especially when he was really young. **"Kiyotaka, what are you doing awake?!" Kiyotaka stared up at his mother, her voice wasn't angry, it was far more concerned and worried. "It is much past your bedtime." "I can't sleep." Kusuriko pursed her lips. "Why not?" "I feel like something bad is gonna happen." Ishimaru admitted as he stared now at the ground. "Come on now, Cleo will protect you won't she?" "Yeah, but...I just have a bad feeling ab-" "Why is your kid still awake?" A flash of disgust passed in his mother's eyes, as she looked up at Ishimaru's grandfather, Toranosuke Ishimaru. "My child has a name, he's simply having some trouble falling asleep." "Hmm, alright." Even in his young age, Ishimaru could hear the sarcasm laced in his grandfather's voice. His mother seemed to be strangely effected by it, and in all honesty it scared Ishimaru. Her jaw was clenched and a strong, malice filled glare was sent his grandfather's way. "Would you mind watching Kiyotaka for a second." Ishimaru mentally recoiled, the only time his mother used his full first name was when he was in trouble, or when she was angry. "Yeah, sure." With that, Kusuriko was off, Kiyotaka wasn't sure exactly where she went, Ishimaru's grandfather looked down at him, his gaze was judgmental and disappointed. "So, you high maintenance or something kid?" Ishimaru seemed confused, high maintenance? What did that mean? He assumed it to be an insult "No I'm not." The elder man raised an eyebrow. Letting out a small huff. "How old are you again kid?" "I'm six, grandfather, I've told you earlier today..." Ishimaru's voice trailed into a whisper at the end of his sentence. "Jeez, what is your mom feeding you than? Should've lost that baby fat by now." 'Baby fat? Kiyotaka was six, he wasn't fat... was he?' Ishimaru looked down, his grandfather seemed to make it his mission to constantly make it known he was better than Kiyotaka. "Tsk, are you crying?!" Ishimaru flinched, he was never usually scolded for crying, it was something he did often and it didn't usually last very long. "N-No!" Ishimaru said back as he desperately tried to wipe his eyes. "Dammit, I told your dad Kusuriko wouldn't hold the strongest genes! She and her family are over emotional wrecks, now I have a whiny child as a g-" "Ahem." Both Kiyotaka and his grandfather turned to look at Kusuriko, she had an evil, angry glint in her eyes. Eyebrows furrowed and eyes narrowed she walked over, no hint of mercy in her face. Gentle hands lifted Kiyotaka, but eyes of fire glared at his grandfather. "You will hold your tongue when talking to my son." She wasn't yelling, but there was a threat, an underlying tone in her milk and honey voice. She wasn't having any of what Toranosuke was giving. "You will watch your tongue when talking to me, I'm-" "I don't care." Shock, pure and utter shock was on Toranosuke's face. He was the Prime Minister of Japan, he was of high luxury and deserved respect! Right? "How dare you inter-" "You mean like this. You could be a God incarnate and I will still not allow you to belittle my son in any way, shape, or form. Are we clear?" Rage, rage painted the face of the older man, but what could he do? He couldn't charge her with any crime, nor take any other legal action. He scoffed and exited the room, he'd find some way to get back at her. "Kiyo are you ok?" "Yes mom, I am." The woman sighed quietly, she mumbled something about his grandfather, but he couldn't hear. "You want a snack before bed?" Ishimaru smiled for a moment, only for a moment before the crushing, disappointed words of his grandfather hit him like a ton of bricks. "No, thank you..." His mother nodded before taking Ishimaru back to his room, Cleo already snuggled in bed. Placing him down she kissed his forehead before heading out the door. As she shut off the light switch, she turned to her son. "Good night Kiyo, I love you." "I love you too."** **And with that, the door was closed, and she was gone.** Staring at the ceiling Ishimaru blinked only on occasion, did he really want to sleep? Well, of course he did but, would he want to deal with the consequences of doing so? Closing his eyes took him back, to when times were simple, when he had people who cared, and if he really tried he could almost feel the soft pressure of Cleo making herself comfortable. It brought him comfort. Soon, much too soon, he fell asleep. **Excessive yelling was heard, Ishimaru sat in his room, six years old and unable to comprehend the words being said. It'd been months since the last time Kiyotaka's grandfather had uttered a word, but the consequences of his actions still caused fighting between his parents. "How are we supposed to pay this Takaaki?!" "I don't know ok!" "It's not ok! Do you know what's at stake here?! Our entire livelihood, our lives Takaaki! This isn't a stupid carnival game!" "I never said it was! But what else can we do?" Silence encased the house, footsteps were heard going upstairs and Ishimaru stared as his door opened. "Ishi, there's going to be some changes. We may have to much some, adjustments to our lives, and your grandfather may not come over as much as he used to ok? We don't want you to worry, good night hun. I love you." "I love you too mom." "Good night kiddo, everything will be ok." His voice was soft, almost a whisper, a scandal. One that shattered the Ishimaru name, one that left Kiyotaka and his parents in debt once his sorry excuse of a grandfather had passed. But that didn't happen just yet, right now Ishimaru was sitting in his bed, six years old, and with a real good feeing something bad's about to happen.** Waking up he felt a dull throb in his brain, what time was it? Looking around his room, his eyes adjusted enough to see his clock in the dark room. 1:26 am, jeez, he should really get back to sleep. Lying on his back he stared at his ceiling, upon realizing he couldn't just fall asleep he decided to get some outside help. Walking into his bathroom he opened his medicine cabinet, there was some sleep medication incase of emergencies. Downing two pills he trudged back into his bed, feeling himself fall into a deep slumber. **They had to move; Ishimaru was seven when they moved. He didn't make a fuss about it, but anyone could tell he didn't want to. Switching houses to something smaller; more affordable. What really seemed to hurt Ishimaru, was being forced to get rid of Cleo, oh how Ishimaru missed that cat. Soon however, nobody was spared from the rough pressure of constant work, Ishimaru even worked himself in and outside of school. Switching schools after some time, by now his grandfather's scandal has been heard by nearly the whole country, and this is where everything went wrong. 'Taka.' A common nickname, it wasn't bad until he learned what it meant. "It means trash you dummy!" "Language!" Cornered, trapped, no matter where he turned everyone knew. Looking back he wondered how the kids had known, moreover why did they care? Seven years old and into politics? Seemed damn near impossible, but that's the situation he was in. Bullying was foreign to him, he'd never done anything to anyone, no matter what he was stuck. The bullying would vary in severity, sometimes it'd just be name calling, other times he'd be shoved down a staircase. One he remembered specifically was being shoved into an open janitors closet and locked in, he was in there for six hours before the janitor had to clean. By some miracle Ishimaru's teachers loved him, but that seemed to fuel the other kids hatred of him. They'd always accuse him of thinking he was better than them, that he was some type of genius, just like his grandfather. He felt he was average, painfully unfit to be praised for simple things like good grades, anyone could do good in school. You just had to put in the effort, and Ishimaru knew that's why he wasn't a genius. He had to try, he still had to try. Being shoved into a door, however the door was slightly opened. His eye socket ended up slamming against the knob, causing it to swell and bleed. 'Kids can be cruel.' That's how Ishimaru's principal put it when he told him and his parents the kids who caused this would receive no punishment. Not that much would be done, Ishimaru refused to say who had pushed him, so no one ever knew who'd done it. He had cut off a lot of interaction with his parents, his father was always very busy, but his mother had noticed. "Kiyo hun, come here for a second." Ishimaru, had been silent, as he went to his mother. "Sweetheart, I know things are hard at school, and kids will want to strike you down. Just please remember I love you Kiyo, and you aren't your grandfather." Ishimaru wanted to cry, he wanted to vent about the other kids, he wanted to vent about his grandfather, but he held his tongue. "Ok mom...I love you too." Eventually the bullying died down but, the effects never left Ishimaru.**

Ishimaru woke up, he had felt numb to the nightmares, his body heavy and unwilling to move. Forcing himself out of bed he got ready, and met up with his two friends. "Geez bro, ya look like shit! You sleeping ok?" Ishimaru smiled weakly, letting out a small laugh. "Kinda kyoudai, it's come and gone." "Ohh Ishimaru...You really shouldn't be up that late." The two larger males turned to the smaller one, concern plastered on his face. "N-No matter come on guys, let's go." Chihiro said leading their way, Makoto had planned something with some of their class. They were meeting up with Makoto and some others. "Ah! Fujisaki, Oowada, and Ishimaru! Good, the more the better." Makoto said writing down some names. Others being there being, Mukuro, Junko, Kirigiri, Celeste, Hifumi, and Leon. Others were to arrive soon. The group chatted when soon more appeared, Byakuya followed by Toko, then Hagakure, Sakura accompanied by Aoi, Sayaka, and eventually Komaru. "Why are we all here?" Everyone looked at Ishimaru. "Jeez, you really don't remember." "What?" "We're here for you silly!" "Yeah it's your birthday hall monitor!" Wait...It's August...31?! Wait it is! "O-Oh." "Jeez kid! You really have been acting strange. Anyway, let's go!" Entering the building a lot of flashing lights appeared. 'Gaming Corner'. Taking Ishimaru to a large room there were seats along with a console first person shooter game. 'Counter Attack.' A team game based off skill, choosing a character and fighting the other team. Their was a time limit, and you had to campfire the other's base. "Come on Ishimaru!" Being dragged into a room, there was an 8vs8 team, randomly paired. Byakuya had refused to play a childish game like this, but promised to follow along and spectate. Team Blue Makoto Kirigiri Celeste Hifumi Toko Sayaka Leon Komaru Team Red Ishimaru Mondo Chihiro Junko Mukuro Hagakure Aoi Sakura Once everything started, people began to drop like flies. To the point where Mukuro had to be replaced by Byakuya for getting too many people out. This made the game reset, and everyone began playing. It was actually rather fun, and eventually it came down to Chihiro vs Makoto. Chihiro was a sniper, and Makoto was a healer. But still their fight was raging on, until finally. "Naegi and Fujisaki have been eliminated! Draw game!" A voice came over the speakers, and then went quiet. After this they played many other games, Celeste rising to the top of the charts in almost every game, only being beaten in fighting, racing, and sports games. Hours were spent there before they all had to leave, wishing Ishimaru a happy birthday they all parted ways. Mondo and Ishimaru walked Chihiro home, and eventually reached Taka's apartment. Ishimaru was only able to live out of his childhood house because the school paid for it, Mondo went in with Ishimaru so they could talk a little more. Mondo joked for a few hours and when he had to leave, they noticed that rain had started pouring. Not allowing the chance Mondo may get sick, Ishimaru insisted he stayed the night. They stayed at each others places before, so Mondo agreed. There was some talking, and eventually. "Mondo I'll be right back." "Kay." Ishimaru went off, probably to change and get ready to sleep. Mondo searched the room, and his eyes landed on a picture frame. Walking over to it, it seemed hidden. Behind a box in a sort of display case. Picking it up, he saw a woman. Deep red eyes, and tar colored very long hair. Her pale skin was flawless, and she was wearing a short sleeved shirt. She was holding what seemed to be a young Ishimaru. Yeah, it had to be him. Red eyes and bushy eyebrows, he looked a year old, maybe younger. Both smiled brightly, and the picture was radiating happiness, but there was a gut feeling something was wrong. Why would such a nice picture be hid- Mondo didn't even notice Ishimaru had returned, until Ishimaru ripped the picture frame from the other male's hands. Mondo flinched slightly, how was such a loud guy so quiet? Ishimaru had a look of anger, he placed the frame gently back in its place. "You shouldn't touch things that aren't yours Oowada-kun." It was a hiss, a tone Ishimaru rarely used. Silence filled the room, before it was broken by Mondo. "Who...is that girl?" Ishimaru's look of anger became one of sadness, before going into a sort of poker face. He sat down, and taking a deep breath he spoke. "She's my mother." "Oh, sweet! How come ya don't talk about her?" Ishimaru didn't answer, his mind was beginning to daze. "Uhh Ishi?" Mondo's voice faded, and another flashback. **Kusuriko was aged. She no longer seemed as vibrant nor happy, nobody did, but she especially looked effected. Flame extinguished from her eyes, a smile from her was nearly impossible. At least, to most people. "Mom!" Ishimaru yelled happily as he ran up to her. He'd seen less and less of her, and loved when she got home. Ishimaru always got to see it, his mother would smile, a soft, sweet, loving smile. She'd seemed tired, but would still pat him on the head, and ask how his day was. Ishimaru was almost eight, and today seemed extra gloomy. His mother seemed worse than usual , her voice held no emotion and her expressions held no happiness. Ishimaru went to leave, but was surprised. His mother didn't say she loved him before he was about to leave. So Ishimaru decided to change it up. "See you soon mom, I love you!" His mother froze, she slowly turned her head to her son. Walking over to him she wrapped her arms around him, kissing him on his face and head. "I love you too Kiyo, I love you so much." Ishimaru hugged his mother, before she told him to get a start on his walk to school. Nobody had bothered Ishimaru that day and he happily returned home. Ishimaru was especially happy to see his mother was home as well. "Hello mom!" No response. "Mom?" Ishimaru walked over to his mother, as he got closer he noticed she wasn't moving. Was she asleep? Ishimaru gently shook her, when he heard something drop to the floor and rattle. Picking it up, he read the label. It was a half full bottle of sleeping pills, Ishimaru stared at his mother for a few seconds, how many did she take? He was sure it was full yesterday. He gently placed his hand against her neck, then her wrist. She felt cold, a chill set in. He shook her a little more. "Mom? Mom are you ok?!" Panic began to set in. "Mom?!" Shaking her shoulders Ishimaru stared at his mother, breathing heavily he searched for something to do. Anything to do! Right, the phone, he quickly dialed the police and heard his father answer. "What is your emergency?" Ishimaru didn't remember what he said, it was a mix of blubbering and crying, with his father trying to figure out what was wrong. About ten minutes passed before Ishimaru's dad along with another officer came in. "Kiyo what is wr-" Kiyo turned to the two, he'd been shaking his mother more, on the glass table was the sleeping pills and an empty glass. Ishimaru's dad walked over and did what Kiyotaka had done earlier. His eyes widened. "Dear Lord, call an ambulance!" His memory began to blur, he remembers being forced to stay at home with an officer. The man asked Ishimaru questions about what'd happened. Eventually Ishimaru was sat down with his dad. "Kiyo...your mother, she's dead. She commuted suici-" His father couldn't finish, placing his hand against his face, he began to cry. He'd never seen his dad cry before, but he didn't focus on it, for he had began crying as well. On the day of the funeral, some of his mother's family had came, but not many people were there. Walking up to the wooden box, he looked down on his mother. Tears filled his eyes, and began wiping them, It was here he made a promise, he promised he'd prove it, that he was strong, that his grandfather was wrong, that Ishimaru Kiyotaka was not his grandfather. He'd do it for himself, for his family name, for his parents. "I love you..."** "...I love you." Mondo cocked his head, his face turning a light pink. "W-What?" Suddenly Ishimaru lurched forward, lost in his memory, holding onto Mondo desperately. "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you so much!" He was sobbing loudly, Mondo didn't know how to react. All he knew, was Ishimaru needed him, he needed someone. Mondo hugged Ishimaru as he sobbed loudly. Mondo would be here for him, from here to hell and back. "I love you too."


End file.
